GAY

Pride weekend wasn't all i expected it to be. I thought it would be me running around dancing with all my friends getting phone numbers from hot guys. Wasn't that easy Saturday went nicely. I got up early to see my friend from santa rosa. We laid in the sun and then went walking around the castro. Later on that day i hung out with two of my very good friends from high school and a girl i knew in middle school. It was fun, catching up. Later on that day I met another friend and some of his friends for the pink saturday party. I got a lot of looks, as I expected I would. I suppose the main reason I went, was to meet someone. No such luck. All the guys who tried to flirt with me, were either older, slutty looking or seemed like self-indulging superficial divas.
Around midnight I was left on my own as my friend left. FOr the remaining time I walked around, watched two guys strip and prepair for sex in front of their apartment window in view of thousands...Then I ran into my friends friend who was drunk and had aching feet. I ended walking in her high heels for half a mile, (something I'm rather proud of) and bumping into another friend on the way.
Sunday was rough. I kept calling a couple of my friends who weren't picking up. I missed most of the parade. I asically wandered around for the rest of the day hoping to bump into people, which i did. Sunday night was confusion. I got inn a fight with my mom and was reduced to tears. Then I went out to go to a party. But upon deciding that it wasn't my cup o tea, I headed back into the castro to have tea with some friends from santa rosa

Year one

I visited my old high school about a month ago for the first time in exactly a year. I'd been meaning to do this since the fall. I even promised a few friends I'd return by winter break. In some ways I feel my reluctance to go back was a testament of my feelings about the place and the four years I'd spent there. It seems so recent that I first walked into the quad fresh out of middle school eager to continue my musical education, inspired by a truly awesome middle school band teacher. Now those four years seem kind of far off. The class after me has already graduated. Part of me wishes I could go back and do it over again. Though I'm not sure what parts I'd do differently. I have many regrets. I've even questioned if it had been the right school for me. But what I remember most about those years, was the constant stress I had from dealing with the asshole of band director i grew to loathe and despise, and feeling somewhat isolated and insecure among my peers.

The year since graduation has been wonderful. My original plans to attend UBC faltered, and I instead headed to community college in Sonoma County to figure things out. It was exhilarating. It was the first time I'd felt completely able to reinvent myself and start anew. I'd been stuck with much of the same people since middle and elementary school. I know longer felt the pressure to be who I was before, something I felt in my senior year, after the changes I went through Junior year. I loved learning, being with around people form diverse walks of life and above all living on my own and doing things for myself. At home, I had a overbearing mother who was constantly nagging me about everything and showing me how to do things.

In other arenas, my social life was more alive than it had ever been. I made a lot of new friends. Several of whom I've gotten pretty close to. I had a brief and inconclusive romance with someone an immature, superficial slut. While still guarding my virginity, I've gained more experience.. And in general I came to realize how healthy it was for me mentally, to be living on my own. I feel stronger and more confident then before.

And in the fall I'll be attending the university I've been wanting to go to since sophomore year of high school, - The University of British Columbia, starting over yet again and beginning what I can only assume will be a very exciting and interesting chapter in my life. I'm very excited for my social and extracurricular life. Large LGBT scene and tonnes of foreigners and other interesting folk. There's a Japanese Tea Garden, aquatic center (with pools, Jacuzzis, saunas, steam rooms etc), nude beach and restaurants on or right by campus. plus there's Vancouver, Vancouver island, Whistler and other places to explore. can't wait.
I'm sick and tired of California. I know I'll miss it, yet I need the distance from my family and a chance to really broaden my horizons. I registered for classes and got my housing assignment and figured out my meal plan last week. I also found out that the fees and other estimated expenses are actually $6,000 less, thanks to the good exchange rate coming from the US.

revisit

I spent the past two days in Sonoma County. I had some school bussiness to take of, then I wandered around downtown for the rest of the afternoon, going to the wednesday night market. It was wierd being back. I walked by my hold dwelling at 2050 Mendocino Avenue. Time flies. I ran into a couple of my fellow band-mates. One guy who sat behind me playing Euphonium told me I was really good at the contras bass. I dunno.. I made my way to the bus station and took the bus down to Cotati to stay with my brother. We spent the afernoon eating pizza, playing Risk and smoking. The following day I went back up to Santa Rosa to see one of my friends. Turned out, last minute that his dad didn't want him too. SO I ended up spending the day wandering around the city and then taking the bus back down to San Francisco.