spring fling thing

Two weeks ago a friend of mine told me she had a friend visiting her for the week and she wanted us to meet. At the beggining of our first meeting I was a bit skeptical about this matching, but towards the end of the night he was growing on me. While at times he acted immature and would act up, I felt for the first time in a while that I'd found someone who I had feelings for and was quite attracted to. I don't know what his initial wants were; whether he wanted a random nsa hookup or fb. But we enjoyed spending together. It came at an incoveneient timing as I had final exams all week long. But luckily i was able to fit in sometime to see him and have a different kind of study session ;). Hopefully, I'll be fortunate to meet someone like this who i feel similarly about this summer.

super overdue

Today, after 7 months of debating with myself, I finally struck up the nerve to text back a guy I've been wanting to meet up with since our intial encounter back in October. We'd exchanged phone numbers. For various reasons I abstained from calling him. I thought he'd call me first, but he never did. I got the impression that he wasn't into me. Additionally, he'd been dating another guy around the time that happened and I felt bad for intervening.

Like me, he gets a lot of attention from guys and isn't used to getting rejected. He seems to have a pretty big ego. I felt that if i'd followed through and called him back, i'd just be stroking his ego and doing the same thing that other guys who want to be with him. But in using this tactic, I not only didn't get what I wanted, but he seemed to have been hurt by it. .

Everytime I ran into him he gave me a "why didn't you call me" kind of look. Other complications arose soon after. A friend of his became an enemy of mine, and so i didn't want to complicate things further. For a while I didn't think of him much; I was dating a guy for much of january and february and early march. But gradually, I began to realize that I should of done something about this guy. I was hoping to just run into him on accident. That rarely happened, and when it did, he was with other people. But today after a slight mental breakdown I had last night, I mustered up the courage to finally send him a very belated text message asking him if he wanted to hangout/go for coffee etc. He appreciated this, but told me "I don't really see you in that way". it took me a while to understand what he meant by this. The conclusion that I came to was that i'd just waited too long and he'd gotten over it.

Well, I'm not over it. Not pursuing him is one of the worst decisions I've ever made.

semester 2 (in progress)

I really haven't been good about keeping this up.

My second semester has gone by quite well. Minus the fact that I have 5 term papers (which i've been managing suprsingly well), I'm quite satisfied with school. I realize that i'm only up here for another month and then I head home to San Francisco in early May. I've made so many friends and I realize next year isn't going to be the same. Some of them are graduating or were only here for the year on exchange and are heading home around the same time I am. next year really won't be the same.

One of my objectives for this year was to meet a special someone. Didn't happen. I've met so many available guys, but then i realize that they're probably not right for me. I also feel that my past expereinces with getting rejected my a guy (subject m), may have deterred me from pursuing other guys and exposing my vulnerabilities to them. I realize, that I had a hard time doing that with the guys I've dated here. I'm not as emotional as I used to be.

Because it's so late in the year, I'm going to take things with a grain of salt and act on my slutty desires. There are several guys I wish I'd hooked up with (and who i could have quite easily), but didn't.

I'm looking forward to seeing what san francisco has to offer me this summer. A summer romance?