the final stretch

This week flew by.
I guess it was because i didn't have anything big due. But the next few weeks are going to be nuts. finishing research assignments, projects etc and then taking finals will be a bitch. I'm also going up to vancouver the weekend after this to check out UBC and make sure I wanna go there. After that I've only got antoher 3 weeks until I'm off for summer! On that note, I'm still a bit lost about what I 'm gonna do over the summer. It's unlikely that I'm going to Israel now. Ireland is still up in the air, and now there is talk among my more extended family about going to Oregon to this awesome beach town we went to a lot when i was young. I also dunno whether or not I should go takae summer classes. It seems like a big commitment, epsecially cuz most classes are monday-friday. And then I also wanna work at the Zoo and Randall Museum. And last but certainly not least, I want to spend a lot of quality time with my friends, including my new SR firends. I wanna spend a lot of time at the beach, especially with friends. Maybe get a full-bodied tan ;).
And I'd really like to be in a damn relationship!

Big city boy vs small town man

I spent Thursday-Saturday in San Francisco. It was my first time down in about 5 weeks. the longest interval yet. For some reason, when I was going down more regularly I felt happier to be there. Whereas this weekend I really wasn't that pushed on it. I think it's because I felt so solid in my life in Santa Rosa. Even the awkward things that have happened to me in the past few weeks seemed to not effect me. I've kinda been leading a double life this year. between SF and SR. I'm trying hard to keep up with friends in SF (which i was productive in doing this weekend), while also continueing to forge ties with people in sonoma county. After a few days in SF, I get into the rountine of things and then i have to head back to SR. And my trips used to be bi-weekly. It seems I'm happier wherever I've been the longest. i don't like changing my rountine. especially between a big city and medium size town. they both have their good and bad attributes. Now I wonder What'll happen to me next year..In Bellingham Wa or Vancouver bc. I wonder how well I'll adapt, in another state or country. I know very little about Bellingham, and my only time in Vancouver was almost 2 years ago. I'm just not sure what it'll be like to live in a city that isn't San Francisco. I know the campus is located in an almost suburbian penninsula which makes it kinda simialar to SR. But I've grown to appreciate smaller towns. The people are friendlier, hospitable, less crazy and life is more laid-back. Though, based on my experiences, a similar thing could be said about Canada and Canadians. And there'll be a good range of people. Big city types from calgary, edmonton, Winnepeg, toronto, montreal, halifax etc and people from small towns from all over the vast canadian frontier. And of course the 11% international students. It'll be interesting.
If I do indeed end up at UBC, I'd also be in a bit of deep water about my major. I'm thinking strongly about a poli sci major. But I feel like I wanna get into more depth with American politics. hence my reason for applying to American University in Washington DC (most politically active campus in the US). though i guess that could be an overdose. Though I know political science is more about politics in general. And looking at the US politically from the Canadian perspective would be interesting. we'll see

reflections

SO for my Sex and Gender class I had to write a 5 page research paper on a topic related to gender, sexual identity or Orientation. I decided to do mine on "Coming Out". I've never written a paper on such a deep topic like this before. As I was writing it, I began to recall my own experience coming out and how significant that was for me. I guess up until now I'd never really though that deeply about what I went through 2 1/2-3 years ago. I was 16 and sooo different from who and what I am now. I was a Catpillar that made it's cocoon and came out a butterfly. I also wonder how different my life would be now had I come out a lot earlier or even a lot later. But it was an interesting writing expereince.

You drive me crazy (I just can't sleep)

The past two weeks have been crazy. I'm pretty overwhelmed/stressed with everything that is happening. My Homework load is Nightmareish. I just got assigned another essay from English class, after just finishing the last one. I have a 12 page analysis of US bilateral relations with Cuba and Iran due around the same time, a 5 research paper due next week in gender studies, a 2 page paper for the same class due the week after that, test corrections from my midterm, a 2 page essay and 6 page research paper all for anthro...+ I'm still waiting to hear back from a college in washington, which i might go visit with in the next few weeks. Scholarship applications, and working at Hillel are also on my agenda. And last, but certainly not least, visiting all my friends in the city, which I might not be able to do until the end of the semester.

In other news, my social life in SR~
My new friend spent the night last week, and a lot happened..I ended up regretting and feeling bad about what I did. I realized casual sexual contact, doesn't suit me. I was so emotionally stressed by it, I couldn't enjoy a declicious meal at Hillel, on Friday. I'd tricked my self into thinking I had serious feelings for him, becuase of our intimacy. I felt we'd taken advantage of each others weaknesses, that got us to the point where I was compromising my morals, because I was overcome with lust and liked this individual already as a friend. A similar thing happened Tuesday night. But that went much worse, as it was filled by awkward and embarassing situations. I don't want to put myself in situations where my morals are I must comromise my morals, but it happens anyways because my mind gets fogged by impulses. While we have good chemistry, I don't think I would want to be with this friend, even if he were more available. But I want somebody in my life, just don't know who. If I've already met him or will meet him. After a year of let downs, I need something good.