cramming

Less than a week to go! I'm excited/nervous/unsure about leaving San Francisco and heading back to vancouver. The summer flew by. Though i've been busy meeting new people, i realized about a week ago that there were still a number of old friends I hadn't seen this summer. I'd thought of them a few times earlier on, but part of me wanted them to make the effort to reach out to me first, if they wanted to meet up. In recent weeks, some of them did express interest in hanging out.
One such friend I met up with the other day. She was my best friend from my early childhood, ut hadn't seen her in about 5 years up until last year. We had a great time reminesing and stuff.
While I thought today would end up being totally unproductive relaxing at the beach with one friend; i ran into another who i went to high shool and hadn't seen since graduation. similarly, we spent time talking about old times. About high school and all the people we knew. It was nice. neither of us thought the other had changed much.
Other than running into her, i spent the day resting with the friend who i'd gone to the beach with got us involved in a game of nude volleyball. =P

memories

As of today I no longer work at the zoo. Since I'm only here for another 7 weeks, and the place has strict scheduling rules, they suggested that it wouldn't really make sense for me to continue coming in. Not working there anymore is a really difficult thing for me to swallow. I've been going in twice a week during the summer and once a week during the school year since I was 12. I have so many memories of the place, its animals and the people who work there. =(

you want a piece of me? sure. okay

The past 6 weeks that i've spent fooling around hasn't made me a happier person. I began this summer thinking that it might be a good idea to gain more experience, meeting more guys and having fun. As I'm only here for another 2 months, I know it wouldn't be smart to get too emotionally involved with someone. But after an experience last night, I feel somewhat grossed out with myself about my behaviour. I was at a club, as usual on a thursday night. I ran into a guy i've been talking to on a website. By the end of the night we ended up in the bathroom with a third guy. use your imagination. We also got walked in on, by a rather forceful individual who tried to join in. awkward.

I guess part of the reason I initially felt a need to meet so many guys this summer, was to compensate for not doing it earlier on in my late high school/early college days and to be on par with the numbers of guys my friends have been with. Well, in a 1 week period, I was with as many guys as i'd been with my entire life up until april. hooking up has kind of become an obsession. I guess it's healthy one at least. but it doesn't make me feel good about myself.

tanning, whoring etc

Well, i've been back for about 6 weeks now. Unfortunately i haven't been able to get a job as I'd said i would and had promised my mom i would. I had an interview at petco last friday, which made me hopeful. It didn't go as well as i'd hoped, and i didn't get called in for the second interview. At this point I've more or less given up. Since I got back i've been spending a lot of time at baker's beach soaking up the sun. The last time I was there a late morning fog rolled in over the beach and nearby cliffs. It was beautiful as it blanketed nearby homes and the surrounding area, but with little pockets offered occasional glimpses. Growing up here i'd never really appreciated the fog and this kind of phenomenon.

Well, other than gaining appreciation for San Francisco's weather, I've been busy spending time meeting guys. I currently belong to about 5 different dating sites. adam4adam has been my sole provider of men to meet. i thought it would be a good tool to help me make more friends. I've realized that compared to the number of friends I have in Vancouver, I really don't have many back here. I haven't seen or talked to my two best friends from high school in about year. It was the distance and their flakiness that pulled us apart. It's sad because beyond occasional communication on fb, i no longer talk to anyone i went to elementary, middle or high school with.

But on adam4adam i've met some nice and interesting guys. though some of them ended up being one-time dates or hookups, they've all enriched my life in some way, as they've told me about their lives, experiences etc. For example, one of them fucked a major broadway actor. Another is a flight attendant. Another went to Harvard. Another judges horses. Another was a pager in the US senate. etc. And having sex every week since i've been back has been rather wonderful. today, I went in for a long overdue sti test.

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Home again

I've been back in San Francisco for two weeks now after what's been a rather exiciting year at UBC. I have no regrets going to that school. My social life was more vibrant than it ever has been, the classes were enriching and Vancouver was an awesome city to be in. I've met some of the most intersting people from around the world. The year and its experiences made me more confident and headstrong.

I was always very concious of the fact that I was in a different country. Sometimes this was a big deal, other times it wasn't. Living in Canada really made me question my identity as an American, a Californian and a San Franciscan. I found myself often vigorously defending my country whenever anti-American rhetoric reared its ugly head. Meeting other Americans from other parts of the country also gave me new perspectives on the US and what life in like in the county outside of my little San Francisco-Bay Area bubble; that my hometown isn't the only progressive and leftist city in the country.

Also, for the second time in my life, I met a guy who I have feelings for and who i'd like to be monogamous with. I don't know why tat feeling for me is so rare. I often get infatuated with guys who i realistically wouldn't want to be with in the long run. But this special guy made me not want to be my usual sexually liberal self. While he was with me, for the week that he was in vancouver, I only wanted to be with him. no one else. It was a kind of fulfilling feeling I wish I experineced more often. Unfortunately the distance between us will keep me from feeling that, as I know I a long distanced relationship isn't a realistic option for us.

So in the mean time I'm getting back into the swing of things, living at home with my family. Things have been pretty good. Annie is still going strong, Charlotte is an excellent student and health/nutrition nazi, my mom and i still find things to argue and nag each other about, dad hasn't changed and haven't seen Matt yet. I'm trying to find a job, to take the empty time off my hands. I've applied to about 10 places. Hopefully I'll get soemthing. I feel guilty that I haven't worked for the past year. compared to most people my age, I have very little expereince with real jobs. My numerous hours of volunteering experience look good, but it'd be nice to get paid for a change.

I'm trying to make new friends this summer, as I've realized that I have very few here. I'm trying to take a holistic approach to friend making. A little something known as friends with benefits. It works well for me I realize. One nighters and nsa aren't for me.

spring fling thing

Two weeks ago a friend of mine told me she had a friend visiting her for the week and she wanted us to meet. At the beggining of our first meeting I was a bit skeptical about this matching, but towards the end of the night he was growing on me. While at times he acted immature and would act up, I felt for the first time in a while that I'd found someone who I had feelings for and was quite attracted to. I don't know what his initial wants were; whether he wanted a random nsa hookup or fb. But we enjoyed spending together. It came at an incoveneient timing as I had final exams all week long. But luckily i was able to fit in sometime to see him and have a different kind of study session ;). Hopefully, I'll be fortunate to meet someone like this who i feel similarly about this summer.