memories

As of today I no longer work at the zoo. Since I'm only here for another 7 weeks, and the place has strict scheduling rules, they suggested that it wouldn't really make sense for me to continue coming in. Not working there anymore is a really difficult thing for me to swallow. I've been going in twice a week during the summer and once a week during the school year since I was 12. I have so many memories of the place, its animals and the people who work there. =(

you want a piece of me? sure. okay

The past 6 weeks that i've spent fooling around hasn't made me a happier person. I began this summer thinking that it might be a good idea to gain more experience, meeting more guys and having fun. As I'm only here for another 2 months, I know it wouldn't be smart to get too emotionally involved with someone. But after an experience last night, I feel somewhat grossed out with myself about my behaviour. I was at a club, as usual on a thursday night. I ran into a guy i've been talking to on a website. By the end of the night we ended up in the bathroom with a third guy. use your imagination. We also got walked in on, by a rather forceful individual who tried to join in. awkward.

I guess part of the reason I initially felt a need to meet so many guys this summer, was to compensate for not doing it earlier on in my late high school/early college days and to be on par with the numbers of guys my friends have been with. Well, in a 1 week period, I was with as many guys as i'd been with my entire life up until april. hooking up has kind of become an obsession. I guess it's healthy one at least. but it doesn't make me feel good about myself.

tanning, whoring etc

Well, i've been back for about 6 weeks now. Unfortunately i haven't been able to get a job as I'd said i would and had promised my mom i would. I had an interview at petco last friday, which made me hopeful. It didn't go as well as i'd hoped, and i didn't get called in for the second interview. At this point I've more or less given up. Since I got back i've been spending a lot of time at baker's beach soaking up the sun. The last time I was there a late morning fog rolled in over the beach and nearby cliffs. It was beautiful as it blanketed nearby homes and the surrounding area, but with little pockets offered occasional glimpses. Growing up here i'd never really appreciated the fog and this kind of phenomenon.

Well, other than gaining appreciation for San Francisco's weather, I've been busy spending time meeting guys. I currently belong to about 5 different dating sites. adam4adam has been my sole provider of men to meet. i thought it would be a good tool to help me make more friends. I've realized that compared to the number of friends I have in Vancouver, I really don't have many back here. I haven't seen or talked to my two best friends from high school in about year. It was the distance and their flakiness that pulled us apart. It's sad because beyond occasional communication on fb, i no longer talk to anyone i went to elementary, middle or high school with.

But on adam4adam i've met some nice and interesting guys. though some of them ended up being one-time dates or hookups, they've all enriched my life in some way, as they've told me about their lives, experiences etc. For example, one of them fucked a major broadway actor. Another is a flight attendant. Another went to Harvard. Another judges horses. Another was a pager in the US senate. etc. And having sex every week since i've been back has been rather wonderful. today, I went in for a long overdue sti test.