Whore

Earlier today I was talking to a good friend. He told me I've changed, and was dissapointed in me and the way I've been behaving this summer. He told me to stop acting like a whore. All of his talk seemed to have struck a nerve inside me. ~

This summer, I started going to a gay 18+ club, where my best friend works. I thought maybe I'd meet someone.. But I never really liked to dance. However, I realized that with my shirt off, my poor dancing abilities would be compensated by my fit body and boy-next-door persona. This seemed to work. I got a lot of looks, a lot of touching and had little problem getting guys to dance with me. I suppose the attention I got made me feel good in some ways. But I also felt that deep down I wasn't communicating to people about the kind of person I really am. It didn't help my love life. I met a couple of guys, but I didn't have good chemistry with any of them, and thought they were probably just looking for a one-nighter. And I realized that by acting the way I did and dressing (or undressing rather), I was dictating the way in which guys would think of me and/or treat me.
I used to think that the right place for me to meet a guy would be in a library or a museum. It would start with a conversation about something we have a common interest in, and lead to other things. And I like to take things slowly. Dry humping guys with my shirt off isn't really doing that. In the past, I prided myself in being unique and free-spirited in my ways. I'd do go with my instincts and didn't care what others thought of me. At the club, I was a self-obsessed attention-whore.


Luckily, I'll have a new opprotunity to start over again this year at UBC. And maybe I'll finally meet someone right. Someone to cuddle with and say sweet things to.